what could’ve been?

(november 1, 2008)

i don’t want to wait
for our lives to be over
will it be yes or will it be
sorry………(paula cole)

an essay by Mr. Richard Kincaid

(a blast from the past and the not so distant past)

sometime somehow somewhere someone must have touched your heart in so many ways unimaginable, an impact so great that you could not even ever forget. you might forget it for sometime but there it is buried behind the subconscious, in the innards of your best memories. sometimes as if on cue it just crosses your mind out of nowhere and put a smile on your face. it’s like your sunshine on a gloomy day, your warmth on a freezing winter day. that someone might not one way or the other know it but can she feel it each time you’re together?

this story is some kind of an evolution which started out as a crush way way back and progressed into an infatuation and into a lifetime pursuit of an obsession. it had actually taken the first step of the process but eventually bailed out for some reason – insecurity, immaturity, poor mental conditioning and whatnot. this initial frustration triggered the chase. but it’s beyond the hunt, it’s the outcome of the final meeting of the hunter and the hunted. through the years, there were crossroads from time to time but so far everything failed for the same reasons.

though undefined, there’s just something about her that makes her continually intriguing up to this point. maybe it’s her beauty, maybe her character or maybe both, the whole package. she has the X factor which will always sweep you off your feet no matter how prepared you are and she just leaves you hanging, gasping and totally breathless each time. oh my God! she is just so right in every angle possible. years even made her better inside out. she could even be a true Venus in the interest of aesthetics. maybe all these were the main causes of the each mess up at the crossroads.

just waiting for that another crossroad to come up. success or failure, this story is gonna end somehow. the long awaited closure is what im always excited for. im more than ready with all the dynamic detailed plans fresh from the drawing board plus i’m fully psyched up emotionally, mentally and physically more than ever. i’m gonna drop the bomb this time. i dont know where yet, dont know when.

if she only knows all of these…..
post script:
not so recently, i happened to meet someone who’s total aura always remind me of this blast-from-my-past-girl (btw she knows the story of this pursuit). she was the other inspiration actually for this essay and some poems. in fact she’s become my inspiration in so many things lately. again, she might be clueless and all but can she feel it each time? i don’t have a clue either but this is all i just wanna say at this point…..since i met you, you make my world go round girl all the time.

Mr. Richard Kincaid

“There is a pleasure in the pathless
woods… There is a rapture on the
lonely shore… There is society
where none intrudes… By the deep
sea and music in its roar… I love
not man the less, but Nature more…
From these our interviews, in which
I steal… From all I may be, or
have been before… To mingle with the
Universe and feel… What I can
ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.”

Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage – Lord Byron