twenty nine ten zero nine

“all five horizons revolved around her soul
as the earth to the sun”
(pearl jam)

10:31 pm.

tonight’s run was so much perfect.  everything was synchronized.  the breathing.  the pacing.  the sounds.  the sights.  the mental conditioning.  the inspiration.  the weather.  the body coordination.  and all the works.  on a night like this, i could run into forever.

running is my therapy.  it is a workout for me as well.  i do not go for mass.  i do not go for volume.  coz most of the times, having the mass is not an indication of real strength.  it might be just another fluffy pillow on your inner most being.  i don’t wanna be like another johnny bravo as well.  i don’t want to be another muscular system model.  i don’t wanna be a skeletal model as well.  LOL

i just wanna bring down my weight to the lowest range possible as per my BMI.  coz having the perfect weight ratio would mean you could throw your weight around anytime.  it spells agility.  running would just tone down my muscles.  it would eventually define them.  and it would help shed whatever extras you have on.

everything would boil down to moderation.  so it’s gonna be not too much on body mass or not too much on being skinny either.  it is a balance.  coz somewhere in between is the moderation.  it is the equilibrium.  and in it comes the real strength.  now, does it make sense?

“i run from hate
i run from prejudice
i run from pessimists
but i run too late
i run my life
or is it running me
run from my past
i run too fast
or too slow it seems”
(lady antebellum)

two more days to go before the end of this one year of daily logs.  and in these last days of the logs, i am into summarizing the more important points written on here.  some of them you may find redundant.  but that’s just what it is.  it is my convictions that’s why.  it is in the repetition that enhances the visualization of the dreams. it is in the constant repetition that you can stress the points you wanna drive through.

so die all those who betray.  this is a quote inked on me.  it is a quote from one of the books of my favorite authors of all time.  mario puzo.  it’s from one of his great books, the sicilian.

that phrase is a part of my convictions as well.  it may not be the physical death.  but it would mean a theoretical death in so many ways.

all along this long journey, i had meet so many people along the way.  some of them pissed me off.  some of them dissed me out.  and there are some stories of betrayal along the way.  and those kind of people don’t have a space in me anymore.  i don’t tolerate those kind of people in any possible way.  in my world, they don’t exist anymore.  in my world, they’re already dead a long time ago.  and i don’t give a damn about them anymore.  i don’t give a fuck about them anymore.

“i crouch like a crow
contrasting the snow
for the agony i’d rather know”
(bon iver)

taking pictures.  this is one of my passions as well.  i only use a regular point and shoot digital camera but i have some great captures.  i had some beautiful macro shots as well.  and people who know something about photography say that i have the eye for it.  it’s some kind of a gift.  hmmm.  i just love shooting those pics.  and the good thing is, i do it differently each time.  coz i just love those radical angles. i like those out of tune compositions.

taking a picture is capturing moments in freeze frames.  and capturing those moments in stills only reminds us that a moment is only a moment.  it could not happen again in time.  it’s a reminder that things don’t last forever.

and a  perfect way to document specific moments of this journey is through a collective of stills.  a first person point of view of the stages of this journey.  and this daily log to back it up.  isn’t that great?

that’s why im elevating this passion into a higher level.  i’m gonna give myself a treat for christmas.  i’m gonna write a letter to santa.  hahahaha  yes.  i’m giving myself a digital single lens reflex camera this christmas.  yay!!!  a dslr for xmas.  wow.  im so excited now.  hahahaha  oh i wish it’s december already.  hahaha

“everything you can imagine is real”
(pablo picasso)

i don’t take all things sitting down.  i know i am always empowered.  i know i always have a choice in all the things that i do.  as i always say on here, no one and nothing can mess with free will.

i go where i wanna go.  i say what i wanna say.  i speak my mind.  i think out loud.  i stop instantly when things lose their meaning.  i stop instantly when things start not to make sense anymore.

and i don’t even care anymore.  coz this is just a quest for the holy grail i call happiness.  happiness in a home.  the end of this long and tiring journey.  the warmth of the home.  or the bitter cold of the grave.

and that’s why i drop all the things that don’t make me happy anymore.

but this question always lingers in me.  is happiness really mine to keep?

11:22 pm.

i’m out.

“it takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.”
(e. e. cummings)

~ by the fortunate pilgrim on October 29, 2009.