twenty two ten zero nine
“never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know”
(metallica)
7:50 am.
today is a bus day. and you know how bus days are. we ride our bikes to that bus stop and we get to hang out with those retards. hahahaha but they’re fun though. but whats even more fun is going back home. riding my bike while holding on to another bike. skill. hahahaha circus act, i guess. it’s probably another attempt at the thing they call balance. LOL
its kinda windy outside and that made it somehow colder in the morning. but today is a high of the 60s and a low of about 42F. a bit warmer than the previous days. i thought we missed the Fall. hahahaha
bridges. i always write about this too. its my thing with bridges. bridges span distances. it bridges gaps. it’s a connection between point A and point B. somehow its a link in between. if there’s a thing about bridges, i burn them. i burn bridges.
it’s the thing i always say, i can easily turn my back and never look back. i can walk away instantly and erasing everything about it. burning the links. so burning the bridge that connects somehow. burning bridges is a part of moving on. and its an essential in moving forward. you have to let go of everything and move on. coz somehow, some things make us heavier. some things are just unnecessary. some things have to be unloaded. coz we have to be light enough to fly.
it has been my way of doing things. but lately i realized that the very first bridge i was on was never burned at all. i thought i did. but it never was. coz a sight ignited the spark and memories kept coming back so vividly. probably in the subconscious level, i didnt burn it at all. it was in here all along. it just lingered in silence till the second ignition.
i dont live in the past. but i do cherish memories i have from the past. coz the past has the memories of a childhood i always long for. it was not the perfect childhood i can ever have but it was close to being perfect. coz it was a happy one. simple. very basic. pure fun. and that very first bridge was a part of those wonder years. and thats a happy thought. it had been always a happy thought.
but the mystery of it all remains. its amazing that it’s still there. unchanged. as is. it looked the same. it felt the same. there must be something to it after almost 3 decades. i dont know. and i dont wanna think about it. for now.
i would like to deny myself of it you know. but it seems i cant. crazy. hahahahahaha i always keep coming back. arrgh.
8:43 am.
later.
“theres so many different worlds
so many different suns
and we have just one world
but we live in different ones”
(dire straits)
8:13 pm.
because of my sore thigh, i have been at rest for 3 days already. and today is supposed to be a running day. but damn. its raining. hahahaha i guess i have to stay in the cave and rest some more. anyway my thigh is still kinda sore though.
it’s so amazing to realize that after all those long years of being lost, it will only end up in finding yourselves together again. it is probably a thing they call full circle. and its a sweet story. for the books. again. i guess.
i always have a thing with the eyes. they say the eyes are the windows of our souls. somehow that’s so true. you can see a lot of emotions in the eyes. sad eyes. blank eyes. lonely eyes. happy eyes. eyes that are in love. eyes that communicate. and you can get all your clues from the eyes.
i think the eyes is one part of our human body that does not change. you know how our ears get bigger with age. but the eye’s shape and size remains the same, i think. age and life’s experiences just define the eyes even more. crow’s-feet just add some texture on the peripherals. but you can see the true depth of a person through the eyes. its like you can see right through a person right through his very eyes. and that always fascinates me.
“you’re every wonder in this world to me
a treasure time won’t steal away”
(michael jackson)
9:17 pm.
life is a decision-making thing. from the very basic like what time to get in the shower in the morning. up to the very crucial decisions like what’s for dinner. LOL but every decision in this life is always right. yes. there are bad decisions but there’s never a wrong decision as long as it was you who decided on it. yes. the thing is you decided. coz there is no neutral thing in this world they say. what’s important is after you decide you become firm and stand by it whatever people say and whatever it takes. you just have to be responsible for whatever you decide. coz it all boils down to one thing, your true character. it’s not your decisions but it’s how you stand by it that matters more here. it will show how and what you’re really made of.
crashes are and will always be a part of biking. it’s a part of the package. tree hugs. washed outs. really bad crashes. fast off camber descent turns. actually these are all calculated risks. but most of the times miscalculated. no trail is ever the same they say. so after a ride, you either end up bruised, with scratches and worst of all a hurt ego. hahahaha
yes. just like our very own lives, the pain and the hurt is part of the whole package as well. we are just humans, right? so we are bound to feel everything. we have our senses and we have all the emotions. same thing goes with loving. when you are prepared to love i think you should prepare to be hurt as well. and to feel pain. and to let go as well.
but the big question is, how far can you endure a pain. how far can you go for the thing you love. how much blood can you shed for that thing you decided to love.
well. again it boils down to the intensity of your love. the degree of how much love you have given. and of course, to your very own character. how and what you really are.
this thing for biking has led me to almost meet the grim reaper for 3 times. i almost lost my life dude. really bad crashes. i know it’s not that funny anymore. but looking at it on the other side, that’s how great this passion for biking is. that’s how great this love for biking is. it just shows one thing. i could go as far as losing my own life for the thing i say i love. same thing stands with everything else on the level of love, passion and commitment. and it’s forever.
i already did that. well. almost. and that means i can do it again. if need be. somehow it’s an attitude. positive or negative. you tell me.
but above all these, fear is gonna be your constant enemy. fear will always hold you down. fear will always stop you from doing all the things you wanna do in life. i think that’s the only and the biggest stumbling block to achieving everything. but remember this, fear is only a thing in our minds.
so it’s between making things happen and just waiting for things to happen. its either you sit down and watch from those bleachers or come out and play. you decide. coz it will always be your choice.
they say life is full of choices. but from what i’ve seen, it seems that we have only one choice out there.
later.
9:49 pm.
there’s this really sweet pilipino sonnet that i really like. its really lyrical. and the way it was written in pilipino, it was even more poetic and more romantic as well. check it out. some of you guys wont even understand it coz its in a different language. but you know, its what we really are.
“…hindi mo kailangang umoo
pero tumogon ka sana kahit paano
may mga bagay na hindi kailangang narito
pero totoo at nasa harap ko…”
(sonetong hindi kailangang nasulat ni cirilo rico abelardo)
well?
11:48 pm.
logging off.
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