zero eight zero seven zero nine
“The lights are low
And we’re alone
The fire’s glow
It keeps us warm
And I reach out to touch your face
The moon lights up our first embrace…”
(styx)
11:00 pm.
oh its a monday again. damn! so what do you get for three straight mondays? nothing but triple whammy. LOL the ultimate boredom at its best. well. tomorrow’s gonna be a monday again. wtf.
today the big truck came. oh dude, so many museum stocks again. oh we were so busy. lunchtime was almost my dinner. LOL i was so tired. it was like i had a thousand laps on an olympic sized swimming pool. damn. but beyond those doors, i am recharged as if on cue.
oh they are leaving on friday. yes. for the 3 day downhill bike race at boyne mountain. but im stuck here. i cant go. damn. bruce is going to VA. well. on second thought, i can always babysit this weekend. or i can call in sick. hahahaha but ill not do that. i just cant leave Love alone at the museum. bruce will kill me. LOL ill just wait for next time. yes. if there’ll ever be.
we have been planning this boyne thing since the start of the year. we were there last october for the race too. and we were so excited for this weekend event. we had been preparing for this, our bikes, our gear and ourselves. but wait. i think i just practiced once since the start of spring. hahahaha well. not going is the better thing to do, i guess. LOL but i can practice on the actual tracks once were there, anyway its gonna be a 3 day event. hmmm.
boyne mountain is a ski resort in the wintertime. so its a downhill bliss for bikers in the ski off season. sitting on that chairlift and bombing down is a great experience. oh plus the crashes that add the real spice to the experience. hahahahaha pure fun. you just feel like you’re so invincible till you hit a tree at 25mph or more. LOL but still. its that adrenaline that you would always live for, i guess. nothing else to live for anyway.
this boyne thing is like this. its something you really have been preparing for in advance in like years but when the actual thing really comes you cant even go. its like all that excitement suddenly drops to zero. how does that feel anyway? you dont even want to know, dude. after so much dreaming, planning and visualization plus the field testing and dry runs and the so-called rehearsals, you cant even apply everything you learned and everything you experienced. that sounds so lame. pathetic actually. i know.
its like packing up your things and with all the excitement to go home but only to find out you dont have a home to go home to anymore. actually, you dont even have a home to begin with. and you just realize that everything was just a mirage in a distance. oh great. is that something to live for anyway? i dont think so.
i could always go back to the story of moses. for the believers, moses was on a journey to the promised land. but what happened? he just came close. he just saw it from a distance. he never got there. he died going there. he died before he could even get there. well. he did everything from his own end. on the things he had direct control. but still. he came up short of what he really wanted. he was almost close to his dream. he was almost there. he could almost smell his happiness from where he stood. but you know. his sins found him and i guess he had to pay for it. or probably it was the things beyond his control. and it cost him his dream. it cost him his happiness. it cost him his home. it cost him the promised land. and you know how sad that is. it was his lifetime dream you know. and it was all for nothing. sucks for him.
well. thats how life sucks. it just sucks all the more each time. and when you’re down and low, it will even suck more and more till you run dry. thats what you get for breathing, i guess. moses can say the very same thing. i know.
im out.
11:50 pm.
“what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive”
(lifehouse)
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