zero nine zero one zero nine
9:31 pm. home. negative one.
dinner done. shower in a little while. i had chicken wings. of course with my appetite destroyer, the super hot chili pepper pickles. and coke of course. yummy.
oh i have so many things to write today. things just keep flowing. damn. if i sit here and type my thoughts for this blog, i could just write things the whole night away. jeez.
this blog is gonna be two months in a couple of days. wow. what a feat. oh yeah. and to think this is a daily thing. there are always new things to share. new things to say. never a dead air. you know how thoughts just keep flowing again and again. it doesnt stop. i remember the early days of this blog, i just cant believe how things just dont stop. its like i can never stop talking here. if you check my trash bin in my room, its full of those little cardboard scratch pads where i write my outlines for my daily post. i need to write the things im gonna say. the brain is too limited to remember all the things i wanna share here. but still, i cant remember everything thats why i always wish i had this microchip thing that could record all my thoughts in a day and just upload it here at the end of each day. at least, all my thoughts can be recorded in real time. and thats gonna be sweet, right?
addiction. maybe its the perfect word for this thing. you just cant explain the feeling. but you know deep inside that it feels good. so good that you’re not only flying but soaring. its like a sustainable thing. and thats the essence of it all. its like its ready for the long haul. the long trip. i can say that its paving the way to forever. the feeling is better than anything ever in this whole wide world. better than sex. better than marlboros. better than coke. better than drugs. better than everything else. the bestest thing ever. its so soothing to all the senses that you just cant let go. the secret i think is it has found the right fuel to propel this thing. not just an ordinary fuel, but high octane. thats why its very fast. hi speed. hi fidelity. hi density. hi intensity. thats why the writing never stops. thats why the ideas never stop flowing. thats why even in any mood and in any situation, i still find the time to write this blog. it started as a promise, then a comittment, then a passion which is forever. cool, aint it? yeah it is. super cool. simply put, im hooked for life. yes.
before i go on, lemme share you this. disney magic. a theme from the rescuers. sweet lines. to the bone. someone’s waiting for you. this brings tears to my eyes, dude. damn. very real.
“Don’t cry little one.
There’ll be a smile where a frown use to be
You’ll be part of the love that you see.
Someone’s waiting for you.”
i was saying that its just fast. super fast. its so fast that you lose coordination. you know how your brain and heart works in relation to the other body parts. its like your brain is so fast that your feet cannot handle the commands. thats why you stumble and fall. you lose the body coordination thing. its that overwhelming that your brain and heart cant contain it. do things make sense now?
for those who really know me, they will know that i really speak very fast. in fact, its in everything that i do. i eat faster than a regular guy. showers faster. walks faster. in anything, i guess. and the worse case is when i get really stoked, when i get really excited, i stutter. maybe because i talk so fast than my normal fast talk that my speech cant handle the commands, and i stutter. and i just cant pronounce letters, i mean it gets eaten along the way. and the funny thing is, its only one letter. the letter R. so breakthrough is like beakthrough. oh its just hard to explain that here. but if you get to hear me talk, then youll hear it and you’ll probably laugh. so funny, isnt it? so just imagine how this blog excites me and all, how would you hear me talk? what if this blog is realized? how crazy or funny sounding would i be? maybe i would be even speechless. and thats gonna be so hilarious. how i just cant stop talking here and suddenly i just cant talk. in total awe. dumbfounded. the jaw dropping moments. i dunno. but with the way i am, thats possible and that would be so embarassing. oh my. Lord have mercy.
it snowed overnight. again. jeez. shovel again. and tonight’s forecast is an accumulation of 6 to 10 inches of snow by 4 am. ill be damned. this is more than the last snow storm. freakin A.
mornings usually start with a smoke outside. of course, with baby d. dragon. yes. dragon is very asian. even with his name. what’s with the name? since we are in the D, we wanted a name starting with the letter D and with an asian thing into it. so came the name dragon. pretty hard, huh?
its a friday so love came to work today. of course, endless talks. she has a thing with dogs too, right? she has two mixed labs, chucky and obi wan. chucky’s name came from chuck norris. well, chuck is very popular to asians especially with his vietnam era action flicks. an asian thing again. cheapo films though. her mom gave the name though. love asked me for updates. all she said was like, wth? well. oh here’s something sweet. she gave dragon a gift. its a body brace for the long walks. a some kind of a harness for the leash. and its red. the color of fire. blood. passion. and the color of love. yes, love knows i love to walk. she’s preparing baby D for those walks. a walking buddy. oh yes. we will be walking the dogs, baby D and chucky next time. now, thats gonna be exciting. wanna walk with me?
the d link bogged down last night at about midnight. everyone was so pissed off. we were all offline. the gay router messed us all up. damn. we waited for a while. we even reset the thing. but still. damn. i am more pissed. but from a good side, i had some, so that felt a little better. at least. than having not at all. at least i did finish my blog. and that felt great somehow. but if the d link did not messed up, then things would have been so much better. of course.
bridges. pop jazz. sergio mendes. brasil 88 album. yes. he was the one who made the song take this love which i shared here sometime ago. and the waters of march. oh yes.
“I have crossed a thousand bridges
In my search for something real
There were great suspension bridges
Made of spiderwebs of steel”
the lyrics of the whole song sounds creepy. yep. read on. so, what kind of bridge is it?
bridges. yes. i have talking about this thing so many times here. each on the opposite side. the bridge is a connection somehow between two totally different worlds. two totally different souls. these wandering souls may wander far from this bridge or may (i said may) even get lost along the way and will have a hard time finding that bridge again. but deep inside they know they have that bridge they can always come back to. maybe you could just stay for a while on your side of the bridge to maybe learn more about life. become stronger. be more firm. be more mature. be wiser. be more ready in all accounts. its like being ready for the crossover. for the long ride to come. for the vision of forever. for all they know, all they ever have is each other in the first place. for all they know, maybe ( i said maybe) it is in losing each other that they will find each other again in each other’s arms. aint that sweet? now thats a good storyline, huh? and its not sweet. its the sweetest there is.
crossover. its the time you cross that bridge. going to the other side. everything in its right time, they always say. when the time is ripe for the taking. as sheduled. in the best time frames. but you know how schedules can be very dynamic all the time. sometimes there are stuff that fast-tracked things. though its all planned, no one can really tell when. it might be tomorrow. it might be next week. it might be now. it might even be next month. but one thing is sure. be sure that you’re more ready, stronger, happier and more firm of the convictions coz ready or not you will be swept off your feet and your mind be blown away over and over and over even before you get to know and feel it. exactly.
brb. 10:42 pm.
just reviewed this post. oh my God. i am kinda healed. im back. im flying and soaring again. this is so strong. you know, there’s always minor set backs and some rejections along the way. its very normal. its like the spices that add flavor. but you know, i live for these set backs. i feed on them. these things make me sharper and better. with all the things i gone through, this thing do not even count at all. that’s being relentless. that’s resiliency. and that’s me.
in my daily walks to and from the pick up point, i always make myself alert for all things. you know how you tread on dangerous grounds especially at night. you just have to be very observant to all the shadows. you must have that far sight for possible threats. and the near sight for the icy paths. you know, the past weeks i had a sighting of a dog. actually about 4 times already. the silhouette is a dog, but i dont see his master. he’s like a stray dog. but i couldnt figure out the breed by the silhouette. i was in the dog industry for sometime and at this point, i can identify any breed or even the mixed ones by the silhouette alone. you can actually tell by the profile of the dog, his gait. his tail which breed is it. but its like i cant now. its like the dog is very lean and with a fluffy tail. eventually last night, i saw the dog at point blank when he crossed the road. oh my. its like a fox, just what i thought. i checked it online just to be sure. and sure it is. this wild dog hunts for a radius of miles and they have it here in MI. good thing this red fox has no history of attacking humans. and thats what i wanna know coz i might not be killed by a drive by shooting incident but by a red fox attack. jeez.
i was talking of memories last time. and how these memories stick to your subliminal. especially sweet childhood memories. memories of your dad. your mom. everything. i remember this luther vandross song. dance with my father again. such a sweet song, aint it? these are what memories are made of. my memory of my dad, my grandpa is the movie champ. i think i shared this thing on one of my early posts here. yeah. at a movie house. i was like at grade school. cant forget those moments. yes. it was so sad. oh my i miss my grandpa. damn.
brb.
12.24 am.
dear mama. tupak shakur. a poet. this is a story about a love for a mom. sweet, aint it? i always listen to this song whenever i miss mom. my grandma. oh my. its her birthday tomorrow, january 10. i got to call her later.
mommy. my grandma. saved me and gave me life. a lifeline. showed me unconditional love. always breaks my fall. i will always love her. she might not even get to read this blog but i just wanna tell her that what i said on those chaotic days still stands. it will stand forever. and nobody ever messes with you coz they’ll be messing with the wrong motherfucker. i will burn their souls down. i love you very much mommy. happy bday. i hope we could be together again someday. i owe you this life and everything. i know i dont make you proud, but i still hope to make you proud of me someday.
“There are no words that can express how I feel
You never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate, how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me
I wish I could take the pain away
If you can make it through the night there’s a brighter day
Everything will be alright if ya hold on
It’s a struggle everyday, gotta roll on
And there’s no way I can pay you back
But my plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated”
brb.
1:07 am. i was talking to love about robby. oh man. i just love this kid. i told love about the dollar hanna montana bracelet i bought robby from AJ. how it made her so happy. you know how the kids eyes looked. its like sparkling with pure happiness and contentment when she got the bracelet. just like when she got her nintendo DS. oh these moments again. she even put the bracelet in like a leather case and brought it to school this morning. thats how proud she is of the thing. it might only be a dollar but the impact was so great on her. and it felt good for me. i was telling love about the kid’s passion for joe jonas. how the kid finds joe jonas to be a total hottie. love’s gonna give me a poster of joe jonas. oh not for me but for robby. oh my. i just can see how happy she’s gonna be when she gets the thing. and thats gonna be great.
btw, a face behind the name. LOVE. the hmong girl. a part time adviser. a listening ear. a dog lover. she’s the one with the blue thing on btw. the other one’s her sister sandy. oh look at those moves!
i was sharing with love my plans for school. you know she’s in school right now. she’s gonna inquire for me some stuff at her school, wayne state. i might get my prerequisites from the community college and move to wayne state for the more serious subjects. at least she said its easier to let the community college handle the initial paperworks. oh thats cool. wayne state is a public school, a state university and naturally its gonna be way cheaper. cool. all in the right time frames. hell yeah.
dare to be different. yes its my thing always. swim against the current. walk against the wind. challenge the norms. its like doing what others do not expect you to do. it not doing what others expect you to do. its like there’s always something new. its being unpredictable. and that breeds control.
being different is like calling someone by a name different from what others may call that someone. you know what i mean. its like papo. papo is not papo’s real name. its an evolution of a name from a series of terms of endearment. googee is goons goons. and manky is tajik. and dragon is baby D. cool, aint it? its like coining a new name, coining a derivative of someone’s name. but i dont do that to everyone. duh. only to the ones that matter. and the ones close to my heart.
cheetos. oh i just love these. this has become my regular snack at work. the big puffy ones. regular. or the flaming hot. i think its like the cheez curls we have back home. i remember when i eat cheez curls. you know the small bag? i put all of it in my mouth when it eat it. not the bag of course. duh. its like you kinda choke doing it but it feels good after. LOL especially with a coke to finish it off. you just kinda feel full after.
i remember i used to read sun tzu’s book the art of war. sun tzu is like a military commander and a tactician. i know its a must-read book in the marine corps. but this book is applicable to sales. thats why i read it. and its very basic to life as well. you know, wherever you go, its always a war you’re going into. there’s always a constant struggle. survival. competition. what i can recall is something about attacks. the element of a surprise. yes. that thing brings it on. the impact i was saying about. someone once said, when one or more people gets to say the very same words, the essence is in the delivery. the bottomline is in the drama and the flair. and that hits right to where your target is. absolutely.
i shared a phrase here on one of my early posts. its like there’s always someone greater that comes along. out of nowhere. i just dont believe this. but that was before. i think i do now. its like it just stops you in your tracks instantly. you try everything to resist. but you just cant. you fight it out. but you know, you just cant do it. you try to go away. distance yourself. but you just cant. eventually you just realize that you really cant. its like its gonna be there with you forever. sometimes, you tend to be radical and all, but still. but when you get to embrace and accept the thing, you’ll just gonna get the hang of it. eventually, the thing will help you become stronger than ever. will make you sharper. make you even better. actually its a support thing to make you fly and soar. you just cant believe that you start nailing things you never do before. isnt that great? but you know, its just crazy.
oh well. its 1:45 am. gotta call my mom first. its her bday you know. anyway, i already wrote so much for the day. maybe its starting to snow outside now. i have no idea yet. its so quiet out here. its like everybody’s dead. i dunno. all i can hear right now is the rumbling of the furnace.
you know sometimes you just have to bear when you really cant expect anything. thats what they call enduring. its sad but you know its a choice. well, thats the way things work, i suppose. just stop hating is the best thing to do at this point, i guess. sometimes, thats the sad thing about waiting. at this point, i think its still worth the wait. to wait, i must say. maybe, even if you’re waiting for nothing. well. i know it sucks though. well.
brb.
alright.
oh my God. a message back home. an old friend was shot. dead. this is crazy. so fucking crazy. gets me the creeps. fuck.
brb.
3:16 am. back. wow. its nice talking to my mom again. of course the never ending lectures are always there. but still. you know how it feels like just to hear her voice again. it just soothes me. its like telling me thats everything is fine, just hold on. its like tomorrow will be better. though i know its not gonna be. but still. oh its so nice. i feel im strong again.
but this life, you know, just sucks. life is.
gangsta paradise. coolio.
“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there’s nuttin left
Cause I’ve been blastin’ and laughin so long that
Even my ma’ma thinks that my mind is gone”
brb.
3:27 am.
“‘Di ako makatulog na hindi ka pinangarap,
ikaw ang laging nasa isipan.
at akala ko minsan ika’y aking niyayakap,
sa pag dilat ko ay unan lang.
paano ko sasabihin sa’yo,
ang tunay na layunin ng puso ko… “
indio i. pinoy reggae. cool band. sweet lines.
brownman revival. a local band. reggae beat with the horns. kinda slow ska. binibini. a cover song of an oldie.
“Binibini sa aking pagtulog
Ika’y panaginip ko
Panaganip ng kathang dakila
Nitong pag-iisip ko
Ang katulad mo raw ay birhen
Sa abang altar ng punong pag-ibig”
i remember years way back these 2 bands in a boracay gig of a summer SMB acitivity. oh my. concert at the beach. sarap mag beer. sarap mag beach. wow. we were so fucking wasted that night. i think weed was everywhere. it was like so free. yeah, freedom. it was like i was barefoot on the sand. with no shirt on, dancing on a slow groove to the reggae beat. oh that was just great. beach memories. so much fun.
4:18 am. its so cold in the D. outta here.
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