one diary post

•December 25, 2009 • Leave a Comment

araw ng pasko
dalawang libo at siyam

ang pinakamamahal kong dayari,

alas siete sinkwenta y seis na po ng gabi dito.  medyo umuulan pa rin po sa labas.  katunayan nga po ay umuulan halos ng buong araw.  malamig pa rin po at medyo malakas pa ang hangin.  preezing reyn ‘ika nga.  sa wakas sa pagkalipas ng halos isang dekada ay nagkaroon na rin po ako nga isang araw na pahinga.  opo.  dey op po and tawag nila dito.  sa katunayan nga po, an’ sarap sana pong matulog at mag pahinga lang ng buong araw subalit may mga dapat akong kailangan na gawin.  hindi pupwede po na pa tamad tamad lang.  sa isang banda medyo kailangang magpasikat ng konti sa isang babaeng aking kinamumuhian.  kailangan ko pong ipakita na me alam din po ako sa mga trabahong pambahay.  kasi po sya po ay sobrang matrabaho sa bahay.  di pupwede na di dapat ituwid kung medyo di tuwid ang magnet sa kanyang reprigerator.  ganyan po syang kabusisi.  kaya eto, sa balak na gusto rin pong mag pasikat ay inilahad ko po ang buong araw ko ng pasko at ng pagpahinga sa pagaayos po lamang ng aking sariling silid at ng buong beysmen.

nag bakyum po ako.  opo.  tama po.  linahat ko na po gamit ko ang bakyum pawder, ang buong beysmen saka ang hagdan.  linabhan ko rin po ang aking syeets pati na rin po ang mga madumi kong damit.  sira po ang aming wasing masin kaya kinamay ko na lang po lahat.  nilinis ko na rin po ng maayos ang aking silid.  punas dito’t punas doon at nag windeks rin po ako.  inayos ko na rin po ang aking mga naka kalat na mga damit.  isinaayos ko po ayon sa klase at sa kulay.  ang mga kulay neyon green kong isyorts ay sinabay ko na po sa aking mga fusyang bakser shorts.  talagang kulay pasko po ang aking mga paboritong kulay.  bagay na bagay po kasi sa aking kutis ang mga kulay na ito.

sa ngayon  po ay maayos na po ang aking silid.  naka pag saing na rin po ako at naka pag hapunan na rin po.  hinugasan ko na rin po ang mga dapat hugasan.  iniligpit ko na rin po ang aking baon para sa kinabukasan.  tapos na rin po akong mag shawer.  medyo may kabangohan na po ako ngayon kasi gagong ligo nga po.  subalit di po ako naka pag totbras.  ayaw na ayaw ko kasi po yan eh.  susubukan ko po ulit bukas baka pwede na po akong mag totbras bago po ako umalis puntang trabaho.

nakahiga na po ako ngayon at nilalasap ko na po ang mabango kong kama at bagong syeets.  medyo maaliwalas na rin po ang aking silid kasi po naligpit na po at sobrang linis na rin po.  sobrang kintab na ng aking sayd teble.  aaminin ko, masarap din pala ang pakiramdam kung maayos ang nasa paligid mo.  hayaan mo sa susunod na pasko aayusin ko ulit ang silid ko.  framis po.

ang buong araw na pag lilinis at pagaayos ay di biro din pala.  sa katunayan naka sampung taylenol ikstra istrent na po ako.  kasi po magang-maga na po ang aking katawan.  di na po ako makagalaw.  mga daliri ko na lng po ang maka galaw sa ngayon. mabuti naman po at naka pag tayp pa po ako nito.  lilinawin ko lang po, naka pikit na po ang aking mga mata habang nag tatayp po.  medyo may konting pagpasikat na naman po pero iyan po kasi ang totoo.  at wala talaga akong magawa dyan.

o sya na.  kelangan ko na pong mag pahinga.  sana ma basa po ito ng babaeng pinapasikatan ko at sana bumilib din naman sya sa aking nagawa sa araw na ito.

kita kits na lang po.  ingat ha.  pa kiss nga.

ang walang iba at walang katulad
na nagmamahal ng labis labis at walang humpay na magpapasikat sa ‘yo,
mookee

(this was supposed to be a private diary log.  however a star found it a real classic and such a request to be immortalized  just cant be denied.  so here’s another one for the books.  mga alaala sa mga unang araw ng suyu-an….)

school bus stop blues

•December 1, 2009 • 2 Comments

like an eternal candle ever-burning
is a weary heart always yearning
unconsciously through the passing of time
for a thing that had never been mine

more new questions haunt me on no end
wondering can i ever get to hold her hand
and can i ever get to stare into those eyes
hear her laugh and the sound of her voice

but this heart’s content now as it is
slowly as i move into that final bliss
but decades passed, not too late
it’s worth much more than this long wait.

deep inside it crept

•November 25, 2009 • 2 Comments

couple of decades ago, an ignition
too premature, aborted combustion

along the subliminal, that flame crept
time then unfolded but was never swept

from out of nowhere, that same spark
suddenly a light for a path that’s so dark

out of the embers, there’s ever yearning
that old fire deep within, still burning.

abot tanaw

•November 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

ang muling pagbukas ng pintuan ng buhay sa kinabukasan
ay parang ilog na dumadaloy sa kalakhan ng karagatan

itong bagong yugto may katapat na mga bagong hangarin
tunay na kaligayahan tanging pangarap na magiging akin

at sa pag-iisa magugunita ang ilang dekadang paglalakbay
sa isang sulyap abot-tanaw na ang hantungan nitong buhay

tanging panalangin ko’y umabot man lang sa kinaumagahan
ang bagong sikat ng bagong araw ang syang nais kong masilayan.

palaisipan

•November 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

sa pagdaan ng mga araw ay tila di na
maikukubli
damdaming ito’y di na kaya ng lubos na
pagkukunwari

pagkakataon nga lang ba o guhit nga ng
tadhana
isang malaking palaisipan na tunay na
nakakabalisa

at habang dito’t naghihintay ng takdang
panahon
ngayo’y tiyak na lulusob ulit sa muling
pagkakataon.

natatanging bulaklak

•November 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

’sing tamis ng sumisikat na araw sa bukang-liwayway
itong pagibig lang ang aking tanging kaagapay
parang mga paro-paro na na-aakit sa halimuyak
sa limang libong rosas, bagamat isang natatanging bulaklak

ngunit ang lahat ay di nagsimula sa isang kisapmata
sa pagdaloy ng panahon lalong kumikislap parang isang tala
marahil sa kasalukuyan ay di pa napapasa-akin
sa kinabukasan malalaman ang tunay na adhikain

‘wariy isang saranggola sa malakas na hangin wumagayway
umulan man at bumagyo lumalakas lalo ang hanay
mga alaala lang ng mga nagdaan ang nakakapaligaya
kahit nahihirapan at lahat lumalaban pa rin sa tuwina.

an epitome

•November 22, 2009 • Leave a Comment

a love so unconditional as it can ever be
a grandma and a mom, that’s what is she

always got my back since that very first day
through the years and beyond, she will always stay

to be more exposed early in life, she set me free
though i wanna be with her always, it just can’t be

her courage and inner strength, i wanna replicate
her simplicity in all things, i wanna emulate

i love her and i will always be
will bleed for her anytime, whatever it will be.

burn

•November 20, 2009 • 2 Comments

not my only favorite and i can never part
undoubtedly, this soul’s closest to my heart

though not perfect, she has some flaw
but the beauty of emotions, in her i saw

a slow burner, that’s what she is
always overshadowed by the other sis

after a while, gift goes into bloom, though
her beauty and talent now shining through

will always be there no matter what will be
coz that’s what it really is to me

my pride, my blood and my legacy.

tajik

•November 20, 2009 • Leave a Comment

the first-born, who she is to me
a so early shot at responsibility

such a first name, a cold war icon
a second name, an eastern bloc borne

since birth, the gift was nourished
till now, that talent even flourished

her kicks as swift as the lightning
her hands tailor-made for etching

the psyche ever runs so deep, i feel
a mind so sharp and a character of steel.

am i cursed?

•November 18, 2009 • Leave a Comment

all those days’ always been so cloudy
never can sustain a moment being happy

and nights have always been this dark
even dimmer, now that’s without a spark

am i paying for the sins of the past
sins of another generation, aghast

felt like a jinx to the ones i was with
always so hard to roll, a bad luck indeed

happiness is not mine to keep, probably real
wondering now, am i cursed or am i evil?

intangible

•November 18, 2009 • Leave a Comment

trophies, plaques and laurels
record-breaking feats, what else?

money and fame, things worldly
could not suffice all you want it to be

something’s lacking, what could it be?
such a sad feeling, so incompletely

the void within that needs to be filled
till that day comes, this life’s fulfilled.

into the sunset

•November 18, 2009 • Leave a Comment

walking alone into the horizon
into the sunset this trek goes on

this has been a journey in solitude
only hanging on its own fortitude

so rough was this path traveled upon
dark and stormy even what’s still beyond

still hoping for a parallel soul to come
before all the hope within is gone.

P

•November 18, 2009 • Leave a Comment

what is it to me
the alpha and the omega
what is it to be
the beginning and the end

an eighteenth wonder has been
the first and the last
that constant vacuum within
this void deep inside

always been a dream so elusive
this fountain of rejections
made a mere mortal insensitive
to life and everything about living.

fair weathered people

•November 13, 2009 • Leave a Comment

the good days with sunshine, the good times
the laughter, would even share a bottle of wine
come the dark days and rock bottom times
those so-called friends bailed out on the nine
fake laughs, fake jokes, fake people
so untrue was all there is to it all the while
afraid for you might ask some help and all
look away, ignore, isolate, evasion and guile
and now even how hard they would insist
just apologies coz in my world they don’t even exist
freaking fine weathered friends now i can tell
they deserve the hottest place in the deepest of hell
will never forget those who left during the night
and will never forget those who stayed during
the darkest of night.

solitary thoughts

•November 13, 2009 • Leave a Comment

across the miles, wondering how is she
is there even a moment that she’s thinking ’bout me

across the distance, worried if she’s just fine
i do care even if she’s still not mine

in her heart, do i have a space reserved
just wondrin’ if there’s even a beat that i deserved.

the epilogue

•November 12, 2009 • Leave a Comment

“and when i’m gone, just carry on, don’t mourn
rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
just know that i’m looking down on you smiling
and i didn’t feel a thing, so baby don’t feel no pain
just smile back”

(eminem)

seasons

•November 12, 2009 • Leave a Comment

the usual day and night walks on this so lonely pavement
the silent rustle, the falling leaves seemingly  lament

the ever gloom of this autumn, it spells total sadness
this reality bites, dear life’s missing much happiness

soon the long winter’s gonna be here all over again
the biting cold with the winds really so unforgiving

the darkest nights, treacherous icy paths and knee-deep snow
all alone, anguish amplify the lingering sorrow

though on the farthest horizon is the coming of spring
ease out the pain somehow, a soul now restless in hoping

its when the coming out of the ground hog from its burrow
a milestone in time, such the beauty of life’s tomorrow.

kapa-it

•November 12, 2009 • Leave a Comment

ang tuman ka subo nga daw indi na guid matungkad
basi kabayaran sang mga sala sang nagliligad

ang dako nga pangutana kung ang tanan may katapusan
kung sa likod sang tanan nga kapa-it ayhan may kalipayan man

apang sa karon nga higayon indi naton mahibalo-an
sa pagdalagan sang tini-on maga tuhaw ang sabat sang ini tanan.

night one

•November 5, 2009 • Leave a Comment

what ifs, what could have beens
an array of unending questions
a distant place, a moment in time
for once it was almost mine

’twas a cold night, drizzling
windy and raining
on a beachfront yuletide
that moment to deride

such distinct hearts in unison
a first time in motion
too confused and perplexed
just didn’t know what’s next.

sa dapit-hapon

•November 3, 2009 • Leave a Comment

mahiwagang buhay nakapagtataka
ngunit minsa’y nakakabalisa

maraming nagdaang alaala
bumabalik sa isang kisapmata

sa isang sulok pala ng isipan nakatago
pira-pirasong larawang ulit na bumubuo

sa isang salamin ng kahapon
datapwat sa tuwina’y tumutugon

kung saan ang lahat nagsimula’y
muling bumabalik sa dapit-hapon ng buhay

at kung bakit nasa tamang panahon ang lahat
isang malaking tanong sa muling pagkamulat.